QORK
A physical product, reimagined for the AI era.
The world's most unnecessarily intelligent cork coaster.
isn't just
a coaster.
Powered
by AI*
AI fills in the gaps. We asked for a coffee table book. It heard coffee. Table. Book.
A precision-engineered lift — exactly one coaster thick — raises your mug above every table it has ever known. Which is what a coaster does. But louder.
Elevate your coffee experience
Piping-hot mugs. Ice-cold glasses. QORK remains unbothered — your table, meanwhile, tapped out three sips ago.
Thermodynamic stability
Our engineers recalibrated the circumference with disturbing attention to detail, purely because someone said it couldn't get rounder.
Now 41.7% more circular
T = 10BALANCED
T = 1DETERMINISTIC
T = 0.1
Smart flip encryption
Write a message. Flip it. Instantly secure — until someone flips it back. Genius.
Grip-locked anti-slip technology
Micro-textured cork so grippy, gravity filed a formal complaint. Spills are politely declined.
Vegan-friendly sustainability
Pure cork, sustainably harvested. No cows were involved at any stage — the bull, however, is load-bearing.
Average age of first harvest
Cork oaks are first harvested at around 25 years, once the bark is thick enough to remove safely.
Years between harvests
The bark regrows in about nine years, making cork one of the most renewable materials on the planet.
Power draw while in use
No compute. No tokens. Politeness is finally free — thank it as much as you want.
People all around the world love QORK
"I tried to benchmark it. It just sat there. Flawless."
"Finally, a model I can run at home."
"It held my drink through the entire earnings call."
"Zero hallucinations. It's a coaster."
QORK
The original. One coaster. One job. Done beautifully.
| NEWQORK | NEWQORK Pro | NEWQORK Pro Max |
|---|---|---|
Stack 1 | Stack 2 | Stack 3 |
Lift 1 coaster thick | Lift 2 coasters thick | Lift 3 coasters thick |
Connectivity None | Connectivity None | Connectivity None |
Updates Never | Updates Never | Updates Never |
Best for Daily mugs, quiet desks | Best for Taller cups, taller ego | Best for Coffee slightly above it all |
QORK-1
Abstract
We present QORK-1, an open-weight coaster. The weights are the coaster. It weighs 14 grams. We report state-of-the-art results on TableBench, a benchmark consisting of one kitchen table that we own and are emotionally attached to. Limitations include a hard dependency on gravity, mugs, and someone willing to put it down.
Peer review
"QORK-1 is the best model out there. Trust me bro."
— Anonymous LocalLLaMA user
BibTeX
@misc{qork2026,
title = {QORK-1: An Open-Weight Coaster},
author = {The Gallery},
year = {2026},
howpublished = {It's a coaster},
note = {Weights available wherever cork is sold.}
}